| Recently I volunteered to work at a conference. It | | | | stunning smile set on a perky face. I was certain that |
| was my first time volunteering and my first peek at | | | | Rita's long blond hair and astonishing legs disarmed |
| a new association. | | | | men and women in cities across the county. She was |
| "Rita" was my contact. She was in charge of | | | | a young, beautiful woman who was used to getting |
| registrations. Her emails to me were professional and | | | | her own way. But why torture me for no reason? |
| direct. To receive a free day at the conference, I | | | | Soon I understood. More evaluation forms would be |
| needed to volunteer 2 ½ days. This seemed | | | | turned in at 4:30. Rita was keeping me so that I |
| excessive. I would need to give up three days of | | | | could help enter data at the end of the day. She |
| work and the start times were sobering-7am at a | | | | would keep me until the end of my shift to save |
| distant, hard to reach, location. | | | | herself an hour of work later. How could she do this |
| Still, I was eager to explore this group. And the | | | | to me? |
| conference WAS expensive. I calculated and | | | | I was exhausted and enraged. I was already putting |
| re-calculated my lost salary against the cost of the | | | | in far too much volunteer time. But Rita was |
| conference. If I added up the travel and hotel costs, | | | | determined to squeeze every last ounce out of me. |
| the price of volunteering became even greater. But, | | | | What could I do? I had already worked most of my |
| maybe I'd be able to listen in on some extra sessions | | | | hours. If I walked out now would I forfeit my free |
| during those 2+ days? Maybe I'd meet some big | | | | day at the conference? I was stuck. Trapped by a |
| names behind the scenes? Although I was concerned | | | | beautiful witch who didn't care about my exhaustion, |
| about the requirements, I agreed to Rita's conditions. | | | | or the fact that I had already given her many hours |
| On my first workday, I took a train and a cab, | | | | of enthusiastic service. I was to wait quietly for 2 |
| careful to arrive a bit early. I wore my new black suit. | | | | ½ hours. I was to smile and wait and work until the |
| I had bought it especially for the event-per Rita's | | | | end. |
| dress code instructions. After hellos, I began my first | | | | I tried to think through my rage and figure out a |
| task--stuffing name badges. I worked with two | | | | solution. I couldn't see staying but I couldn't leave |
| temporary workers and the rest of the out of town | | | | either. I closed my eyes and tried to find the center |
| conference planning staff. This latter group of road | | | | of myself. I tried to pray. I tried to find an answer to |
| warriors were uninterested in the conference agenda | | | | this dilemma. It was difficult, there were people |
| or the group I'd hope to investigate. I sadly realized | | | | nearby but I was so angry that I didn't care. I willed |
| that my hopes for an inside scoop had been naïve. | | | | myself to keep my eyes closed and ignore their |
| I had little to do on the second day. I handed off | | | | comments and stares. I kept praying for guidance |
| some bags to attendees, read the conference | | | | and a way out of the rage I felt. |
| materials, and tried to stay awake. My ½ hour | | | | I was surprised that I could focus past the others |
| break vanished in the long walk to find an overpriced | | | | and get to a very deep and calm inner space. I |
| lunch. I was grateful for the end of my 7 hour shift | | | | rested. If I was forced to wait, I would find a way |
| and wondered how I'd get through the next grueling | | | | to make it as pleasurable and healing as possible. |
| day. | | | | In my newfound calm, I pondered my predicament. |
| I've never been good at comprehending numbers. | | | | Soon I realized that I had created this problem when |
| When I saw 7am-5:30pm on Rita's first email, I only | | | | I agreed to the extensive volunteer hours. Even if |
| saw a day of work, not 10+ hours. Or was it simply | | | | they were unfair, I had agreed to them. Even if I had |
| wishful thinking-my hope that Rita would let me out | | | | felt no choice in the terms, I had still agreed to them. |
| early? There was little to do. Rita would let me out | | | | It wasn't Rita's fault. It was my own. |
| early. She had to. | | | | I felt better. If I had created this problem, I could |
| I arrived bright and eager for my third shift. There | | | | vow to never do it again. I continued to rest and |
| was more to do-entering evaluation scores-- and I | | | | meditate on my new insight: I would try never again |
| speedily typed page after page. I would endear | | | | to agree to a situation that felt unjust or wrong. I |
| myself to cold Rita. I would prove my worthiness and | | | | would not make agreements that I wouldn't want to |
| get out early. | | | | keep. |
| By 2pm, I was exhausted and brain dead. I had | | | | The 2 ½ hours passed. I entered data for my last |
| never been great at early mornings and now there | | | | hour. As I gathered my things to leave, Rita once |
| was nothing to do. It had taken 3 days of diligence | | | | again tried out her dazzling smile. "Guess this was a |
| to prove to Rita that I wasn't a flake or a slacker. I | | | | hard day, huh?" she said. |
| had arrived early every morning and worked with | | | | I never thought you'd keep me for the entire day," I |
| enthusiasm each day. I felt ready to play my hand. | | | | said. I was clearly angry but no longer filled with an |
| "Rita, can you see letting me out early today?" | | | | impotent rage. Before she could counter, I continued. |
| Rita smiled but shook her head. "I don't think so," she | | | | "It was my fault. I should never have agreed to |
| purred. I didn't smile back. Why would she keep me | | | | those hours. It was my fault. I learned a lesson." |
| three more hours? | | | | It felt good to tell the truth. I had learned a lesson. I |
| "My train, there aren't that many trains that leave | | | | had made a bad choice. I would learn from it. |
| and it would help me if..." My voice trailed off, I | | | | My rage woke me up to my mistake. And my |
| wasn't the best liar. But it didn't matter, Rita wasn't | | | | emotions will alert me in the future. The next time I |
| listening. | | | | feel queasy at a request, I'll look closely at the terms |
| "Whatever train leaves after 5:30, that's the one | | | | and be more honest about my willingness to honor |
| you'll have to take." She smiled again. It was a | | | | them. |